Talking to the restaurant host: “Do you serve crabs here?” the customer asks while holding a crab on a leash.
Do you serve crabs here?
in humor
humor
By Kevin Funk
A call for help
in humor
The cartoon shows Superman flying over the city, his cape caught in the door of a phone booth. Inside, someone is yelling “Help! Help!” The cartoon bubble above Superman says, “I keep hearing a call for help but I can’t pinpoint the location.
Read MoreToo many emails, a covid nightmare
I receive way too many newsletters in my email. One from Law 360 sparked this list. The subject line: Lawyering While Parenting: A Day In A Pandemic Life. An attorney wrote the item, so not too funny — my take on the subject, some based on “Law & Order” quotes.
Dad to a child: “Pick up those Legos, or I’ll be seeing you in court, mister!”
Mom to a child: “You’re grounded! Bail set at ‘I’m sorry, Momma!’”
A parent to a child: “Everyone who dances with the devil thinks they can walk away. You can’t! Now, clean up this room!”
Mom scolding 5-year-old after finding the remote in the toilet: “If you’re going to lie, be creative, or we’ll get bored.”
Parent to a teenager: “Your bathroom is filthy. Your DNA is like God – it’s everywhere.”
Dad to one-day-old, “Little secret – I can be a little testy when I work with new people.”
Older sibling to younger sibling: “The truth isn’t important. What’s important is what you can get mom and dad to believe.”
Mom to 4-year-old crying, “You probably know you have the right to remain silent. Why don’t you use it?”
Dad to 14-year-old daughter after he takes away her phone: “He’ll call you back in 25 years.”
Mom to 15-year-old son: “I’m not the one on trial here. I’m the one who asks the questions!”
Mom to daughter: “You know, the E in email stands for evidence!”
Teen to mom: You don’t know. You don’t know what it’s like.
Mom: What, to work so hard cleaning up all your messes?
Teen: I feel like a nobody!
Dad: Welcome to the human race.